BACK….

So where I had left off was my first tinder hook up.

Turns out me and J actually hit it off for about 6 months and then all the games begun….

So he turned out to be a super nice guy who i could have had a potential relationship with. It turns out I was the problem, I was the one who was still sprung up on my military boy. After 2 months he had asked me to commit fully and I just couldn’t do it. Then a couple of months go by and a wonderful birthday that we spent together and I even got a really nice gift and then BOOM two days after halloween and weekend of good sex and fun together, he tells me “i’m getting back with my Ex.” WHAT THE FUCK!

I sat in his car and cried out like a baby and repeatedly said “I’m ready now, I’m ready” His reasoning was logical but damn boy we couldn’t discuss this before you instantly moved on? His reasoning was basically that he spent 7 months waiting for me and then realized that he was getting older and ready to settle. Oh did i forget to mention that he said his Ex was actually his EX FIANCE! Jerk!

Me and him have still remained friends and there’s absolutely no bitter blood between us.

Next post will discuss the new fling i have with a coworker!

Not a good day…

UGHHHH…today I woke up feeling so down.

I’m going through so many changes in my life and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m overwhelmed with emotions and I feel like they are all cooped up inside ready to burst out.

I’m currently Transitioning into a new career path I’ve been a nanny for 9 years and I feel like its the only thing I know how to do! I just got a teachers assistant position in an Early intervention school. Now, I’m super excited about this new job but so nervous and sad at the same time. Like I’ve never had coworkers its weird to explain , I’ve never worked in that atmosphere, I’ve new worked with people by myself I’ve pretty much been my own coworker for 9 years.

When you’re a nanny you basically raise a child and learn to love them and grow with them and create an amazing bond with them. This is truly breaking my heart to leave this amazing family although they have become my family its just going to be a hard adjustment for all of us. I saw these people more then I saw my own family. 60+ hrs a week

I feel like these past to weeks I’m dealing with the same issue separation from people I truly care about. First the soldier leaves and now I have to leave from this family. I seriously don’t know how to deal with all this. Im at such a low place in my life right now and I don’t know how to cope.

Not much support from anyone I feel so alone!!! My family is amazing we just aren’t the sentimental type who console each other. My friends have their own lives and don’t see this as a big deal they are kind of sucking at being friends right now!

I think the fact that the soldier boy hasn’t reached out to me in like a week is affecting me a little too much. I say that it’s no,t but I know that it is. Like is it that hard to call someone and say hey how are ya? You really don’t care like a little bit to know if I’m okay? I don’t fucking understand it…I just don’t!

All these transitions suck ASS!

One week your having sex next week your lonely & being a fat ass…

So the man that this blog is basically based on is finally gone. He shipped off to the military, currently in basic training in Georgia. So we left off on a great note. Spent ALOT of time together before he had left, which ultimately made things a lot harder for me.

So, he left last Tuesday and it had hit me real hard that following Thursday while I was sitting on my couch being a fat ass and eating Belgian chocolate ice cream. This thought crossed my mind literally word for word “Damn last Thursday I was being a slutty slut on this couch and now I’m being fat and eating ice cream and feeling lonely and depressed all at the same time!”

Yeah I know a humorous yet sad thought. I literally laughed and then frowned. But it’s true and I’m having a difficult time adjusting to him not being around.

I’m starting to miss the snuggles, hugs, kissing, the constant contact, someone to go out to eat with, someone to be silly with…wow writing this down makes me realize these are all the things you would do with a boyfriend. Not going to lie it felt that way for his last two weeks given two days where I wanted to stab him LOL. We were basically acting as if we were in a relationship but we weren’t at all!

This whole experience made me realize that being in a relationship is the one thing that is missing from my life! Ha I can’t believe I finally admitted that. It’s all right though none of my bitches can read this anyway so I basically just admitted that to myself! But don’t tell anyone.  LOL

I’m happy that he’s finally living out his dream but selfishly I wish he was here To fill that void. We probably wouldn’t be as happy with each other if there wasn’t a deadline though. That deadline made him and myself take notice to how much we care about each other and aside from all the drama how much we actually enjoy spending time with each other. But if he never left for the military I probably wouldn’t be able to deal with him, being that he’s a major player and loves the games. But those last two weeks I saw a side of him that I had never seen before and it made me fall for him yet again!!!

All that being said…I miss him and I officially hate being lonely.

Sincerely, A 26 yr old female who’s about to sit on the couch and eat another tub of ice cream!

Intimidated by his beauty….

So I have this neighbor. Lets just say he’s 6’8 and 270 pounds of delicious looking manly motherfucking muscle. I know this precise info because I have stalked his life for the past 48 hrs. According to his description on Instagram he’s also a personal trainer  which explains the ridiculously hot body not to mention the side swept hair and a light beard…The fucking sexiest man I’ve ever seen in my whole entire life no exxageration.

So this fucking sexy neighbor of mine has suddenly peeked some interest in me, so we both drive the same car…STRIKEEEEE one we have something in common I repeat something in common. FYI- this is the hottest man that has ever peeked interest in me. Proceed…So he has tried about 4-5 times to flirt with me and OMG I freeze every time he looks in my direction. I have a very bubbly loud and happy personality and I’m actually pretty funny and have a witty send of humor…but I become retarded whenever he looks at me or talks to me I literally can’t speak, I stutter and I blush too. He must think Im autistic I swear.

So I was casually walking my dog on Sunday afternoon and I had just came from dinner with friends and I have on this low cut V-neck romper which makes my butt look F-A-B. Now I know I look cute so I cross the street and I walk passed him Mind you he’s shirtless and immediately I get nervous and pretend to be checking emails. So this older man standing next to him tries to pet my dog. That little bitch was nasty and barking but that bitch sparked up conversation.

So, He started talking to me acting like he’s a dog lover and interested in my dog. He called her a cute shitzshu ummm she’s a yorkie. But, I wouldn’t care if he thought she was a rat! So Whenever I see him all I think is damn SEX with him would probably be so fucking amazing. So he said something like “this little thing is so tough barking at big people” I replied “yeah she has a thing for BIG THINGS” and then I def gave this skanky smile without even realizing that came out so perverted. So he looks at me so seductively and gives me a little chuckle and winks at me. MY VAGINA MELTED!!!!!

He kept smiling at me and making eye contact and saying these cute little remarks as the rest of the male neighbors were so intrigued by my 6 lb yorkie. ALL I THOUGHT WAS HE WANTS IT! Dude you can have its free! Here take it right now! So I haven’t seen him since but i’m dying too! I just want to be like heres my number…but I’m such a wuss and can’t speak or act properly when he looks my way…Really? IM SUCH A DUMBASS… I can’t believe I let someones beauty intimidate me. Girl your 26 and confident why do you shut down in front of this sexy beast!!!

New leaf…

After staying friends with someone who you some what dated. It’s not so easy because your feelings can easily reignite.

So, after not talking to him or not seeing him for about a month and a half. We then reunite at a BBQ and let me tell you was someone extra nice which is rare because he’s kind of cold and doesn’t tend to show that side very often.

After hanging for a couple hrs. He then proceeds to exclaim how he has “turned over a new leaf” WTF where was this fucking leaf four months ago! All I thought was “oh no I like this new leaf crap, he’s so sweet and so nice.” I thought about this  lot and all I kept thinking was damn this was the person I’ve been looking for in you this whole time! Where the fuck has he been because its to late now! Unfortunately he just enlisted into the military and there basically no future with someone who is going to be away! Long distance is a straight up hell no for me! Its unfortunate because if you were this nice before I guarantee we would have lasted and been in a healthy relationship.

I’ve come to the conclusion that his attitude and unhappiness was all showing because he wasn’t happy with  the direction that his life was going in. Now I can just see the ease in his eyes and I can see that he is finally happy and ready for this new beginning and that makes me happy! It makes me happy because I had the feeling that maybe it wasn’t me who was fucking it up, which is what I have thought the whole time. Now I get it and now I understand.

Have a happy life!

Ps- He’s still around for the next two months so we will see how that goes! new leaf

Tinder-ly Ever after…

Just kidding…I really don’t understand how people rely on Tinder for finding the one or just someone to date. I mean I personally haven’t had any success with Tinder but I know this one chick who seriously only uses tinder to find someone to date and her success with Tinder amazes me!

I’ve even questioned her about it and I even asked for advice on how the heck do I find a hot guy to date through this app. I can’t believe my life has come to using an app to find someone to date.

The problem is that I feel so much pressure to settle down so looking for someone to date is now a mission. Honestly, I don’t believe in looking for it, even though I find myself on tinder, which is a major ego booster. I like to think that you shouldn’t have to be on the prowl or look for love I feel like its something you just happen to stumble upon. Its something that should happen naturally instead of forcing it.

Crushed Ego…

So…Long time no write!

Lets just say that reality had snapped in to me and I had to take a moment to realize that I was a fool for falling for someone who wasn’t even worth my time. I’m disappointed in myself because I feel that at 26 years old I should freaking know better. I think I was basing this whole situation on my wants (relationship, attention, SEX and a future fucking husband) vs. my needs (A genuine, honest, loving, caring, mature man and a future fucking husband)

Weird thing is that I still see this person from time to time and I honestly feel absolutely not a thing. #awesome

Something I could never grasp as a growing human being was throwing away friendships. Last, I thought we were good friends but that just goes to show that I was clearly not that important. I also get the vibe that I was being used. Which crushed my fucking Ego. I have a huge heart and I still have not learned that sometimes you shouldn’t over extend yourself. Clearly its a visual trend with this d-bag. Mutual friends, which is how I know its a trend with multiple girls. Really your approaching 30 years old time to drop the old ass habits and man the fuck up. Then again not everyone can grow up!

Not only is our friendship not existent but that asshole is kind of rude, mean, disrespectful and bitter but tends to be nice when its convenient for him. Hey asshole, i’m not a moron and I can see right through you and I know how you operate! Smart chick is back and on the prowl for that dude who will treat her right and its definitely not YOU! Asshole!

Favorite word in this post- Asshole!