Interests…

So I currently have a little fling occurring at work…problem is he a has a GF…Now i know this completely wrong and I have tried to stay away but we just gravitate towards each other. The chemistry and sexual attraction is insane.

Im also very intrigued by him, by his maturity, the ability to have an intellectual conversation,he also doesn’t hold back with anything he has to say. He’s also 35 and I’ve never dated someone older then me usually the same age and holy shit let me just tell you about the difference.I know its only seven years but that age gap makes a huge difference I don’t think I will ever be attracted or want to date someone who is the same age as me ever again.

So today he asked me a simple question…What had sparked your interest in me?  and crap I couldn’t answer…I literally stuttered and was afraid to answer. I think I’m afraid to be completely open because I know how hard I will fall for him because he is an all around good guy  and I know that me and him would be an amazing duo. He was also insulted that I couldn’t think of anything to say. The one thing I said was “UMMM our common interest in starbucks!” Really you dumbass thats all you can think of! The look on his face was priceless, then he went on a whole rant about what sparked his interest in me and said let that sink in. Think about your answer.

All I’m thinking about is work tomorrow and how I’m going to fuck that answer up again!

 

BACK….

So where I had left off was my first tinder hook up.

Turns out me and J actually hit it off for about 6 months and then all the games begun….

So he turned out to be a super nice guy who i could have had a potential relationship with. It turns out I was the problem, I was the one who was still sprung up on my military boy. After 2 months he had asked me to commit fully and I just couldn’t do it. Then a couple of months go by and a wonderful birthday that we spent together and I even got a really nice gift and then BOOM two days after halloween and weekend of good sex and fun together, he tells me “i’m getting back with my Ex.” WHAT THE FUCK!

I sat in his car and cried out like a baby and repeatedly said “I’m ready now, I’m ready” His reasoning was logical but damn boy we couldn’t discuss this before you instantly moved on? His reasoning was basically that he spent 7 months waiting for me and then realized that he was getting older and ready to settle. Oh did i forget to mention that he said his Ex was actually his EX FIANCE! Jerk!

Me and him have still remained friends and there’s absolutely no bitter blood between us.

Next post will discuss the new fling i have with a coworker!

First tinder boy…

So i’m trying so hard to actually move on  but its so hard especially when he’s the only person on your mind especially when it comes to relationships.

So I took to tinder and although I’ve been using tinder for years never built up the courage to actually meet someone, but I finally took that step. So I was talking to a very attractive super sexy man on tinder didn’t think it would go anywhere, well because I feel like tinder isn’t successful well at least for me it hasn’t been.

So i’m talking to this guy and he’s super interested  in me and to be honest I was desperate for some male/female interaction and we met up one late Friday nigh,t I invited him over. After scoping him out for weeks and realizing we have mutual friends and that he’s not a psycho murderer clearly he wasn’t because I’m obviously still alive and he turned out to be an okay guy so far.

I think i made a couple of mistakes though-

1-I invited him over one late Friday night on our initial first meet.

2-Gave him a little tease that same night

3-Called him back over two days later and gave it up!

Hey a girl has got needs and let me tell you he sure did fulfill them

Best sex I’ve had in a while!

BUT THEN THE GUILT SETS IN…

TO BE CONTINUED…

A lot has happened…

Since the last time I left off on here a lot has happened!

I notice I tend to come back to blogging when I’m really missing a certain someone!

Clearly I can not get over him! Now it’s starting to feel harder and harder as the days go by, I just know deep down inside we are meant to be with each other. Maybe not right now but I know sometime in the future me and him will be together.

Only thing stopping this is his insecurities and the military and maybe the fact that he’s thousands and thousands of miles away from me. He’s currently deployed in south Korea and let me tell you its rough.

I miss him!

I miss my best friend!

I miss the comfort!

I miss the laughs, the cries, the fights!

I miss touching him!

I miss it all!

 

 

I need your help…

So this is driving me crazy some advice would be great!

Thanks readers looking forward to your answers!

Not a good day…

UGHHHH…today I woke up feeling so down.

I’m going through so many changes in my life and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m overwhelmed with emotions and I feel like they are all cooped up inside ready to burst out.

I’m currently Transitioning into a new career path I’ve been a nanny for 9 years and I feel like its the only thing I know how to do! I just got a teachers assistant position in an Early intervention school. Now, I’m super excited about this new job but so nervous and sad at the same time. Like I’ve never had coworkers its weird to explain , I’ve never worked in that atmosphere, I’ve new worked with people by myself I’ve pretty much been my own coworker for 9 years.

When you’re a nanny you basically raise a child and learn to love them and grow with them and create an amazing bond with them. This is truly breaking my heart to leave this amazing family although they have become my family its just going to be a hard adjustment for all of us. I saw these people more then I saw my own family. 60+ hrs a week

I feel like these past to weeks I’m dealing with the same issue separation from people I truly care about. First the soldier leaves and now I have to leave from this family. I seriously don’t know how to deal with all this. Im at such a low place in my life right now and I don’t know how to cope.

Not much support from anyone I feel so alone!!! My family is amazing we just aren’t the sentimental type who console each other. My friends have their own lives and don’t see this as a big deal they are kind of sucking at being friends right now!

I think the fact that the soldier boy hasn’t reached out to me in like a week is affecting me a little too much. I say that it’s no,t but I know that it is. Like is it that hard to call someone and say hey how are ya? You really don’t care like a little bit to know if I’m okay? I don’t fucking understand it…I just don’t!

All these transitions suck ASS!

Crickets…

So it’s been about 4 days and I haven’t heard a word from him. Although this is great for me because I’m starting to fizzle down from him. It does make me think how crazy we actually were for each other.

I mean it’s only a week and we barely talk. Maybe we are just sexually attracted to eachother? But it doesn’t make sense because when he’s home we are constantly in contact and constantly talking and staying engaged and spend everyday together. Maybe he’s going through an adjustment phase being back at the base?  I don’t know but one thing I sure do know is it’s making mind all dizzy.

I’ve decided that lm not going to reach out to him at all, I’m kind of curious to see how long he can go with reaching out or if he will reach out!  So we will keep track so far 4 days…

Him being non existent is helping me to move on. Although, it sure does sadden me that this chapter of my life may just be over, that only means one thing It’s time to start writing a new one!

I guess silence helps the heart heal! 

Wants vs. Needs…

I need a Bottle of whiskey to get me through this day!

So we all have WANTS AND NEEDS… currently i’m fucking needy as hell. I got spoiled with attention by a man for two weeks and now I want more. So here’s a list of my wants and my needs.

Wants…

I want…to find a nice guy…

A stable relationship…

A man who makes me feel comfortable…

Respect…

Love…

An easy work life…

Time for the gym…

Time for me (and my dog!)…

Needs…

I need…A one night stand with a sexy man…(to show myself I still have game)

To go on more dates…

Find peace within myself…

Be happy in my workplace…

To get over this soldier…

Move on…

To be honest without my NEEDS I won’t get my WANTS!

 

Back-Single Bitches!

So I’m back and YES I’m still single!

Holy shit though I seriously need to get a grip on this life!

So lets sum things up because its been a while!

My year and a half long Boy toy joins the military disappears  for three months at boot camp, I fly to Georgia For graduation we reconnect and have probably the best sex I’ve ever had, mind you he was in uniform…Holy shit men in uniform just turn the fuck on! So after that I tell myself what the fuck now your even more into him because of your little trip.

Three weeks go by and he comes home for the holidays….

More sex and an excessive amount of bonding literally two weeks straight of bonding , spent every holiday together and I was told he had neglected many people for me which was true he neglected his whole family! That must mean something right???

Literally I felt like I was finally in the relationship that I always wanted but it  was over before I knew it the 14 days were Gone  in a blink of an eye… now he went back to training and will be deployed to south Korea for a year and a half.

This asswhole is just so tough and has a rough time expressing his feelings and emotions because he’s so afraid to fall in love but I can just tell how he feels about me. Plus when a mans grown ass best friend approaches you and says “Mark my words it might not be right now, but in the future I just know you and him will be together so be patient” OHHHHHHH MYYYY GOSHHHHH dude I’ve been patient for way to long. I don’t think I can wait any longer I feel so old and I’m ready to be loved and love someone else. But hey if it so happens to be that we are both single when he returns then why not give it a shot!

In his words “only time will tell.”

 

Fitting in…

The struggle is real at 27 years old I never thought I would find myself in this position. I love my friends and I love spending time with them but I’m struggling to figure out where I fit in! So before my Man friend left for the army I used to love hanging out with them but now I feel like I just don’t fit in. They all have this  common interest that just doesn’t really fit in with my life or I haven’t figured out how to make it fit in​ their common interest is “God” and  “church”  they all go to the same church and they all have extremely strong beliefs about God.  Now I personally haven’t really had such a relationship with god, which kind of makes it hard for me to fit in. I somewhat feel like I just can’t be myself around them. So I bring this up because the person who I was interested in also felt the same way I did so now that I’m riding solo on this whole view I just feel left out. Also, it’s hard for me to adapt to the thought of having “new people” around when you have surrounded yourself with the same  group of people for the past two years.

Im also struggling a bit with life in general so I really don’t want to share my vulnerable side with a bunch of strangers. Plus, I struggle with their level of maturity.  Yes, I have a sense of humor but to a certain extent theres always jokes running  around never can I say that we have had a serious conversation. It’s starting to get quite irritating. Your probably wondering then why do u surround yourself with these people? Well that because they are friends of my best friends husband and therefore if I want to hang with my best friend I kind of have to deal…But I just can’t any more! It annoys the crap out of me.

Should I being dealing with an issue like this at 27?