BACK….

So where I had left off was my first tinder hook up.

Turns out me and J actually hit it off for about 6 months and then all the games begun….

So he turned out to be a super nice guy who i could have had a potential relationship with. It turns out I was the problem, I was the one who was still sprung up on my military boy. After 2 months he had asked me to commit fully and I just couldn’t do it. Then a couple of months go by and a wonderful birthday that we spent together and I even got a really nice gift and then BOOM two days after halloween and weekend of good sex and fun together, he tells me “i’m getting back with my Ex.” WHAT THE FUCK!

I sat in his car and cried out like a baby and repeatedly said “I’m ready now, I’m ready” His reasoning was logical but damn boy we couldn’t discuss this before you instantly moved on? His reasoning was basically that he spent 7 months waiting for me and then realized that he was getting older and ready to settle. Oh did i forget to mention that he said his Ex was actually his EX FIANCE! Jerk!

Me and him have still remained friends and there’s absolutely no bitter blood between us.

Next post will discuss the new fling i have with a coworker!

First tinder boy…

So i’m trying so hard to actually move on  but its so hard especially when he’s the only person on your mind especially when it comes to relationships.

So I took to tinder and although I’ve been using tinder for years never built up the courage to actually meet someone, but I finally took that step. So I was talking to a very attractive super sexy man on tinder didn’t think it would go anywhere, well because I feel like tinder isn’t successful well at least for me it hasn’t been.

So i’m talking to this guy and he’s super interested  in me and to be honest I was desperate for some male/female interaction and we met up one late Friday nigh,t I invited him over. After scoping him out for weeks and realizing we have mutual friends and that he’s not a psycho murderer clearly he wasn’t because I’m obviously still alive and he turned out to be an okay guy so far.

I think i made a couple of mistakes though-

1-I invited him over one late Friday night on our initial first meet.

2-Gave him a little tease that same night

3-Called him back over two days later and gave it up!

Hey a girl has got needs and let me tell you he sure did fulfill them

Best sex I’ve had in a while!

BUT THEN THE GUILT SETS IN…

TO BE CONTINUED…

A lot has happened…

Since the last time I left off on here a lot has happened!

I notice I tend to come back to blogging when I’m really missing a certain someone!

Clearly I can not get over him! Now it’s starting to feel harder and harder as the days go by, I just know deep down inside we are meant to be with each other. Maybe not right now but I know sometime in the future me and him will be together.

Only thing stopping this is his insecurities and the military and maybe the fact that he’s thousands and thousands of miles away from me. He’s currently deployed in south Korea and let me tell you its rough.

I miss him!

I miss my best friend!

I miss the comfort!

I miss the laughs, the cries, the fights!

I miss touching him!

I miss it all!

 

 

Not a good day…

UGHHHH…today I woke up feeling so down.

I’m going through so many changes in my life and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m overwhelmed with emotions and I feel like they are all cooped up inside ready to burst out.

I’m currently Transitioning into a new career path I’ve been a nanny for 9 years and I feel like its the only thing I know how to do! I just got a teachers assistant position in an Early intervention school. Now, I’m super excited about this new job but so nervous and sad at the same time. Like I’ve never had coworkers its weird to explain , I’ve never worked in that atmosphere, I’ve new worked with people by myself I’ve pretty much been my own coworker for 9 years.

When you’re a nanny you basically raise a child and learn to love them and grow with them and create an amazing bond with them. This is truly breaking my heart to leave this amazing family although they have become my family its just going to be a hard adjustment for all of us. I saw these people more then I saw my own family. 60+ hrs a week

I feel like these past to weeks I’m dealing with the same issue separation from people I truly care about. First the soldier leaves and now I have to leave from this family. I seriously don’t know how to deal with all this. Im at such a low place in my life right now and I don’t know how to cope.

Not much support from anyone I feel so alone!!! My family is amazing we just aren’t the sentimental type who console each other. My friends have their own lives and don’t see this as a big deal they are kind of sucking at being friends right now!

I think the fact that the soldier boy hasn’t reached out to me in like a week is affecting me a little too much. I say that it’s no,t but I know that it is. Like is it that hard to call someone and say hey how are ya? You really don’t care like a little bit to know if I’m okay? I don’t fucking understand it…I just don’t!

All these transitions suck ASS!

Crickets…

So it’s been about 4 days and I haven’t heard a word from him. Although this is great for me because I’m starting to fizzle down from him. It does make me think how crazy we actually were for each other.

I mean it’s only a week and we barely talk. Maybe we are just sexually attracted to eachother? But it doesn’t make sense because when he’s home we are constantly in contact and constantly talking and staying engaged and spend everyday together. Maybe he’s going through an adjustment phase being back at the base?  I don’t know but one thing I sure do know is it’s making mind all dizzy.

I’ve decided that lm not going to reach out to him at all, I’m kind of curious to see how long he can go with reaching out or if he will reach out!  So we will keep track so far 4 days…

Him being non existent is helping me to move on. Although, it sure does sadden me that this chapter of my life may just be over, that only means one thing It’s time to start writing a new one!

I guess silence helps the heart heal! 

Back-Single Bitches!

So I’m back and YES I’m still single!

Holy shit though I seriously need to get a grip on this life!

So lets sum things up because its been a while!

My year and a half long Boy toy joins the military disappears  for three months at boot camp, I fly to Georgia For graduation we reconnect and have probably the best sex I’ve ever had, mind you he was in uniform…Holy shit men in uniform just turn the fuck on! So after that I tell myself what the fuck now your even more into him because of your little trip.

Three weeks go by and he comes home for the holidays….

More sex and an excessive amount of bonding literally two weeks straight of bonding , spent every holiday together and I was told he had neglected many people for me which was true he neglected his whole family! That must mean something right???

Literally I felt like I was finally in the relationship that I always wanted but it  was over before I knew it the 14 days were Gone  in a blink of an eye… now he went back to training and will be deployed to south Korea for a year and a half.

This asswhole is just so tough and has a rough time expressing his feelings and emotions because he’s so afraid to fall in love but I can just tell how he feels about me. Plus when a mans grown ass best friend approaches you and says “Mark my words it might not be right now, but in the future I just know you and him will be together so be patient” OHHHHHHH MYYYY GOSHHHHH dude I’ve been patient for way to long. I don’t think I can wait any longer I feel so old and I’m ready to be loved and love someone else. But hey if it so happens to be that we are both single when he returns then why not give it a shot!

In his words “only time will tell.”

 

One week your having sex next week your lonely & being a fat ass…

So the man that this blog is basically based on is finally gone. He shipped off to the military, currently in basic training in Georgia. So we left off on a great note. Spent ALOT of time together before he had left, which ultimately made things a lot harder for me.

So, he left last Tuesday and it had hit me real hard that following Thursday while I was sitting on my couch being a fat ass and eating Belgian chocolate ice cream. This thought crossed my mind literally word for word “Damn last Thursday I was being a slutty slut on this couch and now I’m being fat and eating ice cream and feeling lonely and depressed all at the same time!”

Yeah I know a humorous yet sad thought. I literally laughed and then frowned. But it’s true and I’m having a difficult time adjusting to him not being around.

I’m starting to miss the snuggles, hugs, kissing, the constant contact, someone to go out to eat with, someone to be silly with…wow writing this down makes me realize these are all the things you would do with a boyfriend. Not going to lie it felt that way for his last two weeks given two days where I wanted to stab him LOL. We were basically acting as if we were in a relationship but we weren’t at all!

This whole experience made me realize that being in a relationship is the one thing that is missing from my life! Ha I can’t believe I finally admitted that. It’s all right though none of my bitches can read this anyway so I basically just admitted that to myself! But don’t tell anyone.  LOL

I’m happy that he’s finally living out his dream but selfishly I wish he was here To fill that void. We probably wouldn’t be as happy with each other if there wasn’t a deadline though. That deadline made him and myself take notice to how much we care about each other and aside from all the drama how much we actually enjoy spending time with each other. But if he never left for the military I probably wouldn’t be able to deal with him, being that he’s a major player and loves the games. But those last two weeks I saw a side of him that I had never seen before and it made me fall for him yet again!!!

All that being said…I miss him and I officially hate being lonely.

Sincerely, A 26 yr old female who’s about to sit on the couch and eat another tub of ice cream!